The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
