I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
