Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
