have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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