so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
