you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize