she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
