I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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