hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
