So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
