Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
