Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
