it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
