dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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