Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Fuck appropriateness.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
