I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
