tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Randomize
