I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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