She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
