forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
