she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
