even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
