Im at strip club and am horny
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
