and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
