ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Couch. On fire.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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