He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
