Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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