We won't sleep together?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
