so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
