i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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