Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
