3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
