barbara walters just said penis...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
