you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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