She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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