Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
