Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize