Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
