no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
