Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Randomize
