when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
