i just wanna soil my oats bro
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My breasts were aching with rage.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
