Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
