Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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