ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
