Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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