That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
