Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
