You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
