The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
