Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
