she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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