yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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