I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
