I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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