Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
