i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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