He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
