my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
