Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
