Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
now i know why i became what i already was.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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