You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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