Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
