It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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