Sorry, I don't speak sober.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
