They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
