Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
