I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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