white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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