Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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